Journal Entry 15

September 28th. Wednesday.

Well, sit back and listen everyone, because I've got a lot to get off my chest today. I'm sorry to have held off for so long, but... I finally think it's time.

I have a confession to make.

I know I should have said this much, much earlier, but I'm doing it now. Please try not to get too angry with me. This one's for you, Null.

I remember it all. I haven't forgotten you. I could never forget you.

Maybe you've wondered why my account contains the very word "null" in it. Null didn't steal that name for his own. I gave it to him. Null is my creation. Well... an imaginary friend, if you will. Or some sort of creative muse. He was this part of me that formed back in 4th grade back when I first started writing, and, since I had no other real friends, I talked to Null. I called him Null because he was completely empty of everything except for logic.

Don't confuse this with a split personality. I voluntarily created Null as a sort of extension of my own mind. He was also a part of my dealing with my ADD and my OCD. Null never said anything in an odd number of words. It was always even, just as I liked it. Fours, twos, and sixes only. But mostly fours. You may notice how he talks like that in his messages. And, when I'd start to lose focus, he'd remind me to focus and I could do it. He was the one part of me that could push past my over-emotional states and help me think straight sometimes.

So... I really owe a lot to Null. Yes, I remember him. And I thought he was gone forever when I met Michael. Mike became my logical best friend and I didn't need Null anymore. He was a thing of the past. He faded away into my subconscious, or... so I thought. I liked the word a lot though, so I added it to my username when I created this account.

This Null thing is not a joke on my part; I was completely unaware of posting anything Null said. I assure you I'm telling the truth when I say that I was just as confused as everyone else when Null started posting things. I didn't know it was him at first, until he mentioned his name. Then I knew that... well, that things were starting to get really weird. I don't think Null is simply a part of me anymore. I think he's become his own personality that can take over sometimes, causing me to forget things. When I lose a memory, I think he keeps it, and I have no access to the memory.

He's not me anymore. He's someone else. I don't know why he portrays himself with that mask, either. I've never seen it before in my life. I'm not lying about that, I assure you...

Please don't hate me, and don't think I'm crazy. That's why I didn't say any of this earlier... I didn't want any of you thinking I was a nut job or something because of Null. Well, the secret's out now, I guess... Look at me. I'm a lunatic. :/

Hope you can forgive me.

-nj